My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
