Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Green mimosas i think yes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
