I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
