thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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