The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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