what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Mom said you looked used
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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