omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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