you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
