I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
