Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize