i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
