Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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