I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
