Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Who died my cat blue again?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize