and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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