I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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