I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
