Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
