cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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