its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
