so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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