I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
