Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
