She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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