She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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