i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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