So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
