She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
