He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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