she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
