Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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