Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize