i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
