Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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