Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
