i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
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