i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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