singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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