Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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