just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
