i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
