Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
