Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
