I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
