meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
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