so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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