i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
