Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
