he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
