She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
