imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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