thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I wish life had little blips of pornography
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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