i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
