it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Found the puke drawer
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
