Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
