You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Randomize
