THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
