Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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