it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My vagina just recognized that song.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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