When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize