also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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