Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
