there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
