There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
