you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
