1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
