Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize