i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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