dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
